I really wonder why other people want me out in the
nature…
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I'm a distinct
indoors human being - which I find
different opinions about - depending on if you
are a psychologist - or me. I can easily spend
all time indoor for months, if I have enough coffee - bread - and
cigarettes. "You do need
some fresh air" I'm told by the ones, who think they know better. And when I answer
them: "That air I have on my balcony" they send me eyes
with compassion - in the very same
way they would if I had a serious sickness - of that kind you
can die of. Even of this missing
need to mix with others - I can feel close to
the nature. On my balcony there
can be happy days. Just take the spring
- some years ago. |
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To my great pleasure a
couple of blackbirds started build a nest
under the roof of my balcony. I'm not that
observant, that I can see the different between blackbird-couple - and I did have some
other work to do, therefore I didn’t
look at the blackbirds every second so when I saw 2
started nests I was very clever thinking: "Oh…they build
terraced house - how socially". Later I was told,
that blackbirds build 2 nests to fool the cat or the fox. Those blackbirds
didn't know that the fox don't come at a first floor balcony. The couple laid eggs
- 3 of them. Because of the place
of the nest I needed a mirror to count the eggs - otherwise my head
would turn against the roof. 3 blackbird-babies
came out of the eggs - and when the babies
where alone at home I took a chair to look at them. It was for sure, that
the babies was told to hide, if some stranger came along - but one of the
babies was just as curious as I - a little tousled
fellow with morning-hair. I did enjoy getting
eye-contact with him. A very busy time came
along with the babies for those blackbird-parent. One day I heard a
different sound from the balcony and saw to my big worry that one of the
babies was on the balcony-table. The baby was so
little - too little and was almost without "clothes". Once I did learn (as
child) that you may not touch a bird-baby, if you do, the parent
will not know their babies anymore, that’s why I didn’t'
took the baby to the nest. I felt awful - and
was thinking: "If that is the
cost of being close to the nature - I will not pay" and I decided that
when the blackbird left I would through their
"terraced house" away. Then one parent came
back - placed herself at
the balcony and looked at her baby. She turned around and
called all over the country. I was sure, that she called
for her husband, that he had to hurry back, because they was
in big trouble with their baby, which wasn’t big
enough to be on his own wings. But her husband
didn't arrive - and the next day all the family was gone. Then I thought that
the call all over the country must have been: "You don't need
to bring more food, now our children is
big enough to be on their own, and we can relax". I didn't through the
blackbird-terraced house away - after all I had got
more pleasure than worry, having these visitors
on my balcony. |
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Next
spring another blackbird-couple moved in. I'm sure it was
another couple because of their parent-behaviour. After collecting the
nest they moved in and made 5 eggs (I saw them in a mirror). As the spring before I
sneaked to see how many babies there was - when they was alone at home (5 babies of
5 eggs). Also those babies was
told to hide if they saw un-inspected visitors - and they did - except one (as the
spring before). I saw an extreme
little one too - and I wasn't sure
if she would survived this summer. But all the babies
made it. Unlike the
blackbird-couple from spring before, these parent (the
mother I presume) did whatever they could
to help all their babies. 4 of the babies felt on
the table - down on the floor - was coaxed up on the bench - up on the border,
from where they could through themselves on their wings. But the youngest
wasn't that easy - and just for make
more work for the mother, the baby looked
around in my living-room (by mistake) - she ran along the
panelling under the radiator - and to the corner
between the wall and the bookcase. Of course I stopped
what I was doing to help the little one out to her mother which was waiting
with worry - a worm and some
calling-sounds. It is maybe hard to
believe, but the baby had a beak as sharp as an awl - and I didn't want
my hands near that beak. That’s why I took a
towel to through over the bird. That was the way we
catch my fathers canaries when we want them
back in their cage - after sightseeing
in the living-room. But it didn't work
this time - that little one
didn't gave me space enough. I also was surprised
how fast it could run along the panelling. After some hunting I
managed to get the mother and baby combined - and the mother went
on coax the baby on the bench - then to the border
(after several try) and out in the world. Later that year a
balcony-painter through the nest away. |
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And what about the
little crow, which sit on the gutter of the balcony? He stretched his neck to get bread
-and came to me several times every day. I managed to coax him
on the border, as I told him: "If you want
anything from me, you have to come down here". I even teach him to eat
from my hand. " I'm not
sure I want this to develop in such a way, that he enters
living-room" my husband said. But who feed the
crow-kid with cheese? And who was it to
blame that the very same crow-kid wanted cheese every day? It wasn't all kind of
cheese he enjoyed. It had to be fat, and
not too tasty (as the Danish "Gudrun"). He also wanted bread. But his favorite was
the border of toast-bread with "Gudrun". If I had friends
visiting me and he felt overlooked - he told me with his
"kra-kra". He supervised me if I
was in the kitchen, and if I didn't see him waiting and walking
at the balcony-border - right away he let me know by
sitting on the cornice and knock at the kitchen-window. He also sit on the
balcony-chair from which he could knock at the window and look into the
living-room. And when he saw me
come closer he flew to the balcony-border from where he walked impatient from
side to side. It was so funny
observing him. If I had put some
bread and cheese on the border and a magpie or a seagull - which was much
bigger than him - came near him - he blow himself up
-and looked very danger. He always made the
distance. If I was unsure that
it was "my" crow sitting at the balcony, I just need to open
the balcony-door. All other crows
disappeared in a hurry - "mine"
always stayed. He was a pleasure
every day during months. I visualized that he
would bring his girlfriend next spring - to introduce her to
me - and to introduce me
to her. I looked forward to
that introduction. I got a bad
conscience if I couldn't evade me from family visit. I even had a bad
conscience when I went on my honeymoon - it was a little
comfort, that the neighbor feet him - even that I felt,
that he couldn't feet him with the same care as me. But: One day the crow
didn't come! I was worried and was
thinking: "The fox took
him" "The cat eat
him" "The swan took
him" "The water took
him" He maybe just found
another (better and more stabile) place to eat. |
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Having those
experiences I must wonder how other people can
be so busy telling me what is good for me - fresh air is good
for me - the nature is good
for me. And I wonder how it comes,
that the same people try to make me sick ' cause I can be
content with fresh air and nature-experience at my balcony. From my work in the
psychiatry I know that it becomes a problem if a patient isn't
frond of out-doors-experiences. "The patient had
isolate himself at home" "The patient is
isolate herself in the hospital" It must be a symptom
of……… one or several mental
sick ness. From other - who has
consulted a psychologist by different reasons I know that the psychologist
- because he knows best - told his patient - to socialize - to visit museums - to go outdoors in
the nature. I wonder - and I
think: It that device the
own need of the psychologist? |